Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Dream On!


Leave your doubt,
Look straight ahead,
And dream on!
 -me-
-19022013-

Monday, February 11, 2013

[Orific] Perfectionist

Vianna Orchidia (c) 2013
Perfectionist
Warning: grammar, vocab, oneshot flashfic, no real plot, based on true life

I hate it most when you say, 'I'm fine'.

Because as a matter of fact, you are never 'okay'. Maybe I'm not a mind-reader, nor am I a clairvoyant, but I've been with you for a while now. It's enough to know when you're lying to me, saying you're okay despite you being not okay at all.

I can see how you choose to stay in the corner, not really paying attention to the scenes unfolding before you. Your dark, immense brown orbs are focused solely on the guitar you've been holding and setting since we started this meeting. You don't even try to listen, I know; with those headphones on, you want to block out all these distasteful noise.

I know. I've been looking.

At first I try to let you be as well. But you are an essential person for this whole fiasco, you are needed. Even if I know how dismayed you are with how things turn out, you cannot just walk away. That's why I come to you.

“Zee,” I start. Noticing my presence up close, you finally put down the headphones and train your eyes on me. I'm glad; you still listen to me. “Zee, we need your consent on the matter,” I say, though a little bitterly at the almost-scowling face you make.

“Tell them I'm fine with any conclusion you come to,” you say in a dismissively tone, then your hands begin to tune the strings again. I'm not sure whether that guitar really needs tuning anymore, or it's just your way to make me leave.

Judging by your face, I think it's the latter.

“I can't tell them half-hearted approval,” I mutter slowly. “Come on, I know you have something to say. Come to the front, okay?”

“Nah, I told you anything is fine by me.”

“Zee, don't say that,” I plead as I get slightly desperate. “At least come forward; you're one of the captains, right?”

You glance at me once from behind those long lashes, and I give you another pleading look. I can see the tiny feel of guilty in your eyes, but they vanished beyond the sternness again. “Dann will substitute me,” you raise your hand to the dark-skinned male. “Hey, Dann! You go there for me, yeah?”

At that, my heart scrunchs a little. Don't act all friendly like that... After all, Dann's the main reason why you get so upset, no? You don't like him and don't want to accept him in your team, no? But you can't say that, no matter what, because it is a decision all of us made together yesterday. And that's why you become sulky like this right now.

I've been with you for years, Zee. I just know.

“Hey,” I practically screech out, “but you're the captain, right? Come on, come forward. We need you.”

“Dann can help too,” you say with a smile. To comfort me, maybe? But not at the least am I comforted, for that smile is too dry and forced. A smile not befitting for you.

“Zee—”

“Ann, Dann will substitute me, okay?”

How unfair. I cannot fight you whenever you use that kind of tone, you know? From the start you are always this kind of straight-forward and confident person. And from the start, I'm never one to oppose such person. It feels like you just said 'checkmate!' and here I am, edging away from you who put our headphones on again.

But as I talk to Dann, asking him things I should be discussing with you as the captain, I can't help feeling so down. It is not his place. It's yours. And yours alone. You are chosen because you can lead your team, not anything else. We trust you, Zee, not Dann.

So with this set on mind, I stomp over to you once again. I pull your shirt, forcefully asking for attention, then exclaim, “Zee, you are the captain. Please, come forward. Come with me, okay? Please?”

For a second you look stunned. I realize my words are ridiculously begging, but I don't even give a damn. You gaze at your guitar briefly, a look which I know will lead to another excuse, so I quickly grab it and keep it away. “You can play later. I'll even listen to your play! But now, please, just go there and let's discuss this. Okay?”

Tears have dripped slowly into my voice. I don't know if you realize it or not, but you finally give up and put away your headphones. I am washed with relief as I trot back to the front with you following close. When we arrive, Dann is practically shoved away.

“Yo, welcome back, boy,” Brian, another captain, welcomes you. “Finally here?”

“Yeah,” you reply curtly.

“Zee, we're discussing whether to keep the members of every team as it is now or reshuffle it again,” I explain. “Which one do you choose?”

You stare at me for another second before answering, “Ann, I told you, either is fine for me.”

Going back to that circle of 'I'm fine' huh? I feel my throat thicken with tears again. “Aren't you dissatisfied with your current team?” I say, voice trembling.

“Not really,” you shrug nonchalantly. Pretend. “I'm fine, you know.”

No you're not, I whisper in my mind as I observe the faint deviance in your face and your tone.

“It's okay to reshuffle, actually,” I keep on.

“No need, Ann. It's fine.”

“You're sure?”

“Yep. It's fine.”

“All right, if you say so,” I sigh and wink at him, trying my best to swallow all my tears down. “Just don't be so unwilling like that, okay? You'll tire your teammates.”

“Yeah, yeah,” you nod once. “You worry too much, Ann.”

“I do?” I fake a laugh. “Can't help, I guess. I'm a perfectionist.”

I sure am. I want everyone to be happy in this matter. You, me, they, even Dann. I want us all content and satisfied with our decision. Though, I know, we can never please every single person. But hey, I'm a perfectionist!

I laugh at the irony as I wipe my tears away.

-FIN-

I don't even know why I cried over this simple matter... Maybe because Zee was being so gloomy while his usual self is the complete opposite, I got dragged down.  Oh, and because my friends' passive behaviour made this whole matter more complicated. Passive but sometimes a little selfish.
Yeah, it's impossible to please all of them, I know, I shouldn't have think about it too much.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

[Orific] Ice Cream Memory

Vianna Orchidia (c) 2013
ICE CREAM MEMORY

Warning: oneshot, Indonesian narration but English dialogue, misstypo, vocab. A little too good to be true? 

.:.:.

"Momma, I wanna ice cream."

Aku menoleh untuk melihat seorang anak kecil berambut blonde kusam menarik-narik ujung rok seorang wanita muda yang kutebak adalah ibunya. Wanita itu segera menggandeng tangan anaknya, lalu dengan lembut menariknya ke arah penjual es krim yang diinginkannya. Bisikan-bisikan manis penuh cinta pun dilontarkan olehnya. Aku hanya bisa tersenyum melihat adegan itu.

Sebagai seorang Asia di belantara Amerika, aku menemukan hiburan dalam mengamati tingkah polah orang-orang Kaukasia ini. Ada yang berjalan cepat seakan ada anjing membuntuti langkahnya, ada pasangan yang bergandeng tangan sambil sesekali berciuman dengan santai, dan ada pula interaksi orangtua dengan anaknya, seperti yang barusan kulihat. Semuanya menyenangkan.

Sementara itu, aku cukup tahu diri bahwa warna kulit dan rambutku juga jadi hiburan bagi sebagian dari penduduk kota ini. Terutama anak-anak. Kadang kalau berjalan di dekat taman yang penuh anak-anak kecil, aku merasa seperti badut yang dibayar untuk membuat mereka terhibur. Sebagian yang masih sopan hanya akan menatapku lekat-lekat, berusaha meyakinkan diri bahwa aku bukan alien yang baru saja mendarat di lapangan pinggir kota. Sedangkan sebagian lagi, dengan tidak tahu malu akan menunjuk-nunjuk, berteriak, bahkan bertanya terus terang apakah aku punya ingus berwarna hijau (yang membuatku paham bahwa ya, mereka mengira aku ini makhluk luar angkasa). Dasar anak kecil. Kota ini memang kota terpencil yang jarang dimasuki orang asing, jadi anak-anak itu belum paham kalau ada manusia dengan ciri tubuh sedikit berbeda dari mereka.

Aku hanya berharap orangtua mereka mau menyetelkan channel televisi internasional untuk membuka wawasan mereka.

Ah. Melihat anak kecil berambut blonde tadi menjilati es krimnya dengan lahap, aku jadi tergoda juga. Toh sudah lama aku tidak makan es krim. Dengan senyum kecil di bibir aku menghampiri penjual es krim itu.